The Boyfriend Material

I know. I know. It has been over a week since my last update (it is actually worse on my other blog). I just got caught-up with my got-nothing-to-blog and lazy days. Just doing more roaming around in the real world and less internet hopping.

Just an update on my last real post, everything seems to be back to normal. I guess it was also my fault why I gave more time on observing the boyfriend and less attention on having fun. It was also triggered by an instinct or a hunch that something could go wrong. It was a strong feeling and I just couldn't help crying and getting worried. But I guess it is now resolved since I couldn't keep it any longer from my boyfriend. I told him what happened, what I'm currently feeling, and now everything seems to be uhm...? good.

Though something is hurting me right now. I indeed know that it is an old issue, which it took me just hours ago on admitting to him that there is something bothering me or hurting me. I couldn't blame why Macey was able to say that he is envious with his bestfriend's relationship with his girl. I know there isn't a perfect relationship, but I just can't seem to give everything that he expects me to give. I am lost in this relationship. Where am I going? How was I for the past years? All that I know is I'm good in taking care of finances, joking around, and also fueling conversations. Is that all I did?

Hmmm...
let me think...

I have been planning to post this forwarded message from my e-mail a couple of days now, but just didn't have the right timing as I wanted to post other stuffs before submitting this.

This made me think of how I understand love.

***

Well, the present shall repeat an
unexamined past, di ba?

Since the present owes its joys and
sorrows from how much we have gained or
lost from the lessons of our past, allow
me to share some of my lessons with you, ha.

Lesson 1: Love takes time to blossom.
Do not rush it.

My ex-girlfriend and I rushed it.
Although it lasted for 3 years, much of
the last 2 years were wasted in role
playing.

We skipped courtship. We were both
available. We dated. Then we started it
off with nothing much to build the
relationship upon. There was no special
feeling. Practically, we did not fall in
love. It was like we gave in to the
social fantasy that a boy must meet a
girl and they would live happily ever after.

The fantasy worked for almost a year,
until it could no longer hold the weight
of reality. You cannot fake love. You
may try to feign it for a year or two.

The logic of long courtship is to allow
reason to prevail over the raging
hormones. That is not only for the girl
to determine who among her suitors
deserves her. It is also for the boy to
determine whether or not he loves this
girl more than anyone else in the world.

Love is a loaded word. And it must be
distinguished from "falling in love".

"Falling in love" is not love yet.
"Falling in love" is hormonal. It is a
feeling. You do not have control over
that. That's why you wonder why have you
fallen for this one and not with another.

But you can control how you're going to
deal with "falling in love". That's when
love comes in. That's when you let your
reason prevail over your hormonal urges.

It's either you ignore the feeling and
let it burn out, or you choose to keep
it burning. Your conscious choice makes
it a matter of love.

Love is not a feeling. It is a conscious
choice.

It is love when your choice is based on
respect.

That is, when you recognize that the
human being you've fallen in love with
is a person, not a thing or a mere means
to an end.

That is, when you won't force anything
on him, even your, because you are well
aware that love is not taking whatever
you want because you want it.

This is why often love is letting go,
when it is not wanted by your beloved.

A long courtship helps in sorting this out.

Short-lived relationships are most
likely those based only on "falling in
love", worse, only on social pressure.


Lesson 2: Do not enter a relationship
like you're hiring someone to love you.
Else you'd only end up crying like a 2
year old when you'd not get what you've
wanted.

Love is a matured emotion. One has to be
an adult enough to handle it. Adults are
supposed to have learned how to be
independent. Unlike, children who are
dependent on an adult's love, adults are
supposed to know how to take care of
themselves.

The problem with most young people when
they enter a relationship is that they
enter as dependent children longing for
love. This is not a loving relationship.
It's draining. Eventually, they'll
quarrel over little things and split up.

A loving relationship happens only
between independent adults. They enter a
relationship consciously committed to
love someone they have fallen in love
with and have chosen to keep this
feeling burning.

From: Mr. Diego Odchimar
UST Logic Professor
UP Graduate

***

Macey and I went out today. The date was something unplanned, and I was having second thoughts on whether to see him or not. I was suppose to have the time to myself, but I couldn't say no... and I just think that it's rude to say no to his offer.

We watched a movie while munching on some chips, went videokeing, ate (again) but this time it was dinner,walked a lil, and went home. That's what we usually do. Though I was giving more attention to the things that he do. Like how he reacts, how his voice changes to one tone to another, his facial expressions, how he looks at me and how he touches me.

It might seem to much for you, but I just want to make sure... that the spark and the love is still there, and not just plain care.

I'm aware of the changes, and I wish it didn't happened at all. Well I can't expect that what our relationship had years ago would still be the same on what it has today... It just became too easy, too predictable, and such... Maybe it's the reason why he has been acting kinda changed for the past weeks, or maybe he's just busy with all those thoughts on where to apply for his first job.

Though it's my choice to observe, not letting him know what are my thoughts. It is the core reason why I did not txted him for about 2 days, because I was filled with thoughts on what I have noticed.

I did have a good date. It was fun despite there was something lacking.

After answering the survey I've just taken below, I was able to think of my past relationship. Gosh! It was just so confusing during those times.

I can still remember the days when I first knew my ex. It was something unforgettable. It just proves that love comes when you least expect it. Never did I even thought that I would fall in love at a young age (14) and to a guy like him. He was coupled with trouble... Someone who has a "bad boy" image, though responsible when it comes to his home chores and also has constant and good relationship with God.

Though Mom couldn't see any good with my ex. There was something with his aura that many of my relatives doesn't like. My friends like him, but my relatives? family friends? even teachers during my high school days doesn't like him.

We held on to our relationship even though everyone seems to be against it. I learned how to "answer" my Mom, and we've hurt each other with our fights. My life seemed to be such a mess during those times.

My ex and I lasted for 2 years and 3 months. Mom was somehow successful why we did not last. Though I guess the main reason why we broke up is because I found someone better, Macey, my current boyfriend. My mom was able to accept Macey compared to my ex. Anyway, that's another story.

After all those reminiscing, I just thought of, most of the people I know had troubles with their first girlfriend/boyfriend. I guess it has something to do with:

• Age. Being inlove in a young age.
• People. Family/relatives always have something to say (negative). Which they think the first bf/gf isn't right for you.
• It is often said that it is just "puppy love" and it shouldn't be taken seriously.

Well I still believe that whatever my ex and I had before, it was real. Though we were not mature enough...

Currently, my cousin is undergoing a big problem with his first girlfriend. I guess his undergoing the stage of the first bf/gf troubles :D Though I feel bad for him. I just hope that he'll be doing okay and that he'll realize that he's still young to be tied down. Specially to a girl who caused him enough pain and bought big problems to his parents.

Photo by oskay
Oh yes… this is my first blog entry ever here in The Boyfriend Material. I’m quite excited about this new blog and I’ll tell you why…

The Boyfriend Material is all about relationships. Whether it is about family, friends, marriage, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, it’s all here in one blog. Though the main reason why I made this blog is, I want to understand my relationship with Macey. Macey is my boyfriend who has been conquering almost half of my lifetime now. No he isn’t a control freak, but he is almost present for half of my life. He has been with me here on my side for years, and I just thought that, I think it’s a good idea to keep track on how our relationship is progressing. I always find myself lost on what we have gone through… but what I can’t seem to forget is I always make mistakes, and I always pick up a fight (is there any term that can make it more pleasing to read?).

Anyway, here is a list of the things I wanna learn more about us:

• The things that we do together.
• Our opinions and reactions on different things.
• How am I handling the relationship?
• How is he handling the relationship?
• How am I as a separate person from the “we”.
• How is he as a separate person from the “we”.
• What I learned about our certain experience.
• What are our differences.
• What are our similarities.

I know there are a lot more things that I can list above, but those are what I can basically think of as the moment :D

This blog is still very very new, though I hope I can grab some readers as early as now.

So hats off please gentlemen, beso-beso goes to the girlfriends, and welcome me to the blogosphere.